May 2015 -- JUSTICE

The Ben Franklin Experiment continues.....

Sorry I took April off.... just now trying to get grounded again (fat chance!).

So here we go for May......

The Ben Franklin Experiment: Part 8 -- JUSTICE

Justice: Wrong none, by doing Injuries or omitting the Benefits that are your Duty.

This is an interesting one, as I know that there are things that I will be unable to do this month that I consider to be my duty. I hate, for example, not getting back to someone after they've left me a message. But lately, I'm having to prioritize a lot, and that means also doing justice to my kids, making sure I'm available to them when it's 'their time.' Balancing all of this is tricky but ultimately rewarding. Wrong none..... now there's a challenge for us messy humans. Or this one at least.

1/6/15

Well, I think I've done ok for May. It's been interesting to 'weigh' my responses to various stimuli against the backdrop of trying not to 'omit the benefit' I should do to others. Actually, we are all on this planet to make each other a little bit happier. It is wonderful to run into other people who try to do that. I need more practice. smile emoticon

I have especially thought this applies to my relationship with my husband. If I say or do things that make his life LESS pleasant/happy, I am doing a real disservice. I want to work on a 'happiness filter' before I say or do things -- to prompt me to scrutinize and pre-screen my communications based on their likely 'happiness outcome'. 

January 2015 - Frugality

The Benjamin Franklin Experiment Part 5 (January): FRUGALITY

Frugality: Make no Expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e. Waste Nothing

What a great start to the year! How many times do I give in and buy 'that thing because it's nice and it's only £2, 3, 4' -- how much did I actually NEED it? not much. How much good did it do? Probably not a great deal. So will cut down on these purchases!

Also, I have a fair bit in the 'assets' department.... my cupboards have a fair few tins of food, etc. which are perfectly good but go untouched. And it's good food like beans, lentils, etc. I'm hoping to do our diet and our shelf-space and our bank account some good by using more of the food we already have and buying less at the shops.

11th January:
 Update on week 1: frig feels strangely empty, though I know there is plenty of food in the house. Must dig out some interesting recipes. Have reminded myself that one can be frugal also with cleansing products: face wash, lotions, shampoo, toilet roll.... even paper towels in public restrooms -- we all use so much/many of these items when we don't really need to. Daughter 2 is getting lessons in this.... if we don't tell her to count her squares of toilet roll she ends up with a huge wad that won't flush!

12th January:
Further developments. Today my American 'many miles' boots sprang a small leak -- rubber sole wearing through. I've been wanting a pair of those flower wellingtons since they came out about 3 (more?) years ago, but never felt I could justify the expense. While contemplating my leaky boot situation, I happened past a charity shop... with a pair of flowery wellingtons..... for only £3. Sometimes frugal is just waiting for the right moment and being patient until it comes. 


2nd February:
So, Frugality has taught me a few things.... a meal can be made with less than you think; there is more in your cupboard than you think; food staples don't need to be stored away if you are doing a weekly shop anyway; careful management can save you in the region of 25% on food bills in a month; it's worth waiting for the right deal to come around on a less than necessary purchase. All in all this one won't be too hard to carry forward. Although I've done well, I'm sure there are untapped depths I could dig into to deepen the Frugal Habit.

December 2014 - Resolution

The Benjamin Franklin Experiment Part 4 (December): RESOLUTION

Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.

2/12/14

This will be an interesting one! I can see this is a value I work at anyway, and sometimes don't achieve what I hope. Let's see what the month will bring.

I'm sort of pleased about this with regard to giving my children a quality Christmas. We have a little wooden advent calendar with drawers for each day. I'm not content to put sweets or chocolates in each.... I want something more meaningful. So I'm putting in little prompts to do activities... bake cookies, hang ornaments, shop for presents..... all the things we're doing anyway, but by organising a little, the preparation for Christmas will really feel very different! Will be a job to figure out doing this while we're on a little holiday, but overall I think this is a good excuse to step back and examine what is really important. No.... what is REALLY important.

I'm also inspired by my image for this month.... I want to prioritise relationships -- to resolve any lingering conflicts or hot emotions.

It would seem that Resolution would better fit January.... However, I'm please that the two aren't in reverse order as Frugality in December would be rather cruel!


26/12/14
Well this has been a month which has taught me a great deal so far. It seems nearly every aspect of my life is telling me two things:
1. I need to reconnect and engage with the present moment and learn to more fully enjoy it.
2. I need to set very clear boundaries over my time and commitments in order that I don't squeeze myself and my relationships out of my own life.

To that end, I am first committing myself to daily meditation time of 30 minutes (which may include some reading/journalling) in order to connect better to my own thoughts, the present moment, and the joy/happiness/peace of mind that I crave.

Secondly I am setting a schedule for myself which I intend to follow rigorously, knowing that there will be things that slip through the net... my business may well suffer for it.... I am prepared to accept this cost in order to be happier and a more pleasant person to live with.

I want to somehow measure my successes at this each day, but have yet to work out quite how.

2/1/14
To sum up, December has been a time of discovering and examining what my resolutions needed to be. A time to step back and look at my life a bit more and take stock about what is really important. I require more practice at 'Performing without fail' but I'm well on my way.

The main goal or underlying target in all this is Ease Of Being. This sums up what I'm trying to do -- enjoy life, create calm and centred awareness, and live within my zone of happiness/contentment. 2015 -- let's make you one characterised by less stress than the past couple!

November 2014 -- Order

Order: Let all your Things have their Places. Let each Part of your Business have its Time

31/10/14

I can hardly wait to get started on this. It's my forte, as I'm a little bit OCD, and there is so much that is currently Out Of Order in my life right now.... mostly the physical stuff but some mental and emotional stuff too. First order of business is to try and get myself into a routine that doesn't require so many late nights working in the office. I need to recover that piece of time and put it in order. Hooray for November and Order!

2/12/14

There is more Order in life now in various places. Really useful to have permission for this focus! It's hard not to see the places where order is still to be achieved, but we're getting there. My wardrobe and dresser top had become unmanageable! It's much nicer and contributes to good mental space to have an orderly environment. Thank you November!

October 2014 -- Silence

Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling Conversation

1/10/14

I'm starting to think that Ben may have put these in a particular order for a reason. Is it coincidence that I had trouble biting my tongue last month and now that is exactly the goal? Doubtful. Trivial conversation? Sometimes a bit of trivial conversation would be nice actually.... But the first part -- speak not but what may benefit others or yourself .... -- that is wise and difficult and should reap some pretty hefty rewards in the marriage department. Ok, to work!


31/10/14

Although I was alone with my thoughts a lot this month, they were fleeting moments -- it terms of busy-ness, life interference and sheer workload this was the noisiest month I've had for a very long time. Knowing Silence was my theme did keep me in check a bit -- remembering how important it is to create a calm space, that the degree to which one is capable of exercising silence is in direct proportion to the amount of silence one cultivates away from the flurry and scurry of life.

I have failed pretty well on the silence assisting marriage front -- apparently I've been saying chippy things and undervaluing my husband.

So I have A LOT more work to do on this. I hope next time I come to tackle it I have a less stressful month!

September 2014 -- Temperance

Temperance: eat not to dulness; drink not to elevation.

10/9/14
Temperance is a great place to start. I need to lose a little weight before my big birthday next month! But I think this goes beyond what goes into my body -- food and drink. I think it also applies to what I feed my mind. I don't want to dull my senses with lots of TV or Facebook. A little is fine, but let's not get carried away and lose track of time. It also applies to what I allow myself to think about -- do I dwell on problems and fester, or do I give them only the amount of airtime they deserve?

So, for body and mind, I want to cultivate temperance.

Definitions of Temperance:

• moderation in action, thought or feeling
• habitual moderation in the indulgence of the appetites or passions
• moderation in or abstinence from the use of alcoholic beverages. 

Each of these has interest for me: 

1. moderation in action, thought and feeling -- I indulge my feelings often and speak before I've really thought about what I'm saying. I unload my baggage on others. TEMPERANCE! 
2. habitual moderation in the indulgence of the appetites or passions -- I can snack too much of an evening. I'm not a binge-er so shouldn't be too hard to cut back and practice TEMPERANCE! 
3. moderation in use of alcoholic beverages -- I've been practising already at not drinking very much at night, and waiting until some of my work is complete first. I think I'll also try to make sure I'm only drinking 3-4 nights a week rather than a glass every night. TEMPERANCE! 

All of this links to Mindfulness practice for me, as the hardest part is going to be temperance with my thoughts, actions and feelings. It's very good to have a focus though, and this is a great place to start. I haven't read the whole of Ben Franklin's autobiography, but I have a copy on the way so will be adding reflections on that too. 

23/9/14
My autobiography still hasn't arrived!! Not sure why. Will chase. But meanwhile, Temperance is doing her job. Everyday I have those little nudges 'eat this' or 'drink that' or 'put that off til tomorrow' or worse 'obsess over that until you've beat the shit out of it' and little by little I'm learning a powerful lesson about the value of 'NO.' I have lost a pound or so, and I'm drinking less in the evenings. Saying no to sweet more too which had become a little habit I indulged over summer.

It's the thoughts and feelings part that I am not doing so well at. I still tend to say what's in my head regardless of the impact on others. I think the key to this is to think about how I intersect others as I go through my day. I sometimes view myself on a 'train track' of sorts -- I have so much to get done, so many goals for myself, and feel constantly behind. I then tend to view other people as an interference on my journey. So they might not get treated very nicely as a result. If I shift this and start thinking about how I interrupt THEIR journey, and consider how they would describe the interaction after it has happened, I might bite my tongue more.

30/9/14

So, last day of September. I still have a way to go with the temperance of tongue part. And when my self-care slackens so does my resistance to temptations. Today it was a large handful of peanuts. But all in all I've learned a lot this month, and I've probably drunk less wine this month than any for a long time, so that's probably a good thing. And I don't miss the daily (decaf) coffee as much as I thought -- it's occasional now rather than essential and I feel better for it. Thanks, Ben, for a lesson in Temperance. Worth reviewing again, but certainly a good investment.

The biography arrived.... just starting and was interested to skip ahead to the section on his kite experiment. What a mind .... a polymath.... my kind of guy.

Launching the Experiment -- 13 months of character building

Benjamin Franklin is known for many things, but did you know that he went about trying to improve his character methodically, cultivating 13 specific values? This is laid out in his autobiography.

I came across this as a matter of chance, cited by Stephen Covey in his Seven Habit of Highly Effective People.

I've decided to spend the next 13 months cultivating specific values in my life, one each month for 13 months.

Here's Ben Franklin's list:

1. Temperance: Eat not to Dullness, drink not to elevation
2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling Conversation
3. Order: Let all your Things have their Places. Let each Part of your Business have its Time
4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve.
5. Frugality: Make no Expense but to do good to others or yourself: i.e. Waste Nothing
6. Industry: Lose no Time. Be always employ’d in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary Actions
7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful Deceit. Think innocently and justly; and, if you speak; speak accordingly.
8. Justice: Wrong none, by doing Injuries or omitting the Benefits that are your Duty.
9. Moderation: Avoid Extremes. Forbear resenting Injuries so much as you think they deserve.
10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no Uncleanness in Body, Clothes, or Habitation
11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at Trifles, or at Accidents common or unavoidable.
12. Chastity: Rarely use Venery but for Health or Offspring; Never to Dullness, Weakness, or the Injury of your own or another’s Peace or Reputation.
13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

I am disappointed the Generosity is not on this list, so I am going to work that in somewhere at some point.

So begins a 13 month experiment!